


Old Habits Die Hard When There's Dying To Be Done

by AnotherLoser



Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV)
Genre: Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, Self-Harm, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-09
Updated: 2017-01-09
Packaged: 2018-09-14 12:40:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,450
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9182227
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnotherLoser/pseuds/AnotherLoser





	

He's been missing a lot of things lately.Underlying beneath everything is how he misses his friend.Every hint of nostalgia, every beer he sips, every night he can't sleep, every moment he remembers something of the past- it all comes back to Leonard, even without him specifically coming across Mick's mind.He's always there though, quietly lurking in the background.

Mick has had problems on the ship since he set foot onto it.He was a pyromaniac unable to burn things.He was fascinated with fire, loved it at any given moment really.But that's not what pyromania is.It's an itch under his skin, growing into a voice that slowly consumed his thoughts until nothing mattered besides finding something to burn. It was an impulse control disorder.Mick learned to handle it years ago in various ways.The only solid method is burning something while it's nothing more than an itch, preventing escalation most always.Sometimes it isn't enough and makes him need more, skipping ahead in the process.Usually it works though.

There was no release like that on the ship was always the trouble.Then it became only one of many problems Mick had with the place but- it's the most prominent nowadays, given the circumstances.

He misses the fire.Misses not having to have a time limit on how long he has to get it done or else be questioned and judged.Missed a lot of things, including his old life.But his old life was so attached to Leonard and things that reminded Mick of him, well, this was easier.And it's what Snart wanted, isn't it?He's he one that wanted to be a part of the team.He was the one willing to change for it.

He just wished he liked it here like his old partner did.

There's certain things Mick can put up with, and the list is rather long.He's a hot head but all that meant was that when he got worked up it was bad.His temper only seems short, in truth.He can deal with a lot of things.Especially when these days he doesn't have as much energy as he used to.So he lets the team say what they want about him.He follows orders better than he used to- of which he is the only one.

Sometimes he misses bad things too, is the problem.Sometimes, he wants things he hadn't wanted in a while, and sometimes he didn't even have an explanation like that.He digs his fingers or the heels of his palms into bruises after battle.  
He sits with his lighter under his forearm, letting little burns form on top of old, brutal ones.

Mick is none too kind to himself.But it's not exactly new.He's been here before, just with different things sparking it.He thinks these days that nothing else was as bad as this, how ridiculous it was that those things could put him in a mental place like this one.  
He'd take any of his old problems for just one night without nightmares- flashbacks to his years with the Time Masters.  
He hates sleeping now.He takes a lot of naps to replace the hours he loses every night.Plus, if he doesn't get to a real deep sleep then he can't have nightmares.Win-win, almost.

[...]

The first person to approach him is Sara.She hardly paid him any mind these days besides sharing jokes- less and less the more time goes on.He's not sure where she suddenly got the idea to try and have a serious conversation.

It doesn't go well. 

She says everyone just wants to make sure he's okay, which is sweet even if he's not sure what to make of it entirely.But then she goes on to talk about Snart.Snart, who she only knew for weeks.But he flirted with her, said he wondered about potential for the two of them after the mission.She knew nothing about him besides that he secretly wanted to be a part of the team and got his ass saved by Mick in juvie.Nothing else and she has to nerve to talk to Mick about him.His one and only friend, who he knew for over twenty years.She wants to talk about Snart like she has any idea about what went on in his head.

Mick didn't hear a word she said when that started.He cut her off after a minute, said with a stern, obvious tone that he had something to do and he left. 

The next was Ray.That there was a ' _next_ ' at all makes Mick wonder if she was telling the truth when she said it wasn't just her that was worried.Ray isn't good at the talking thing though, despite how much talking he does.The entire time it sounds like he's about to ask a question but in the end it's just a short and plain conversation about food.

Jax tries next.  Sort of.  He likes the kid, but they've never really spoken.  He has a feeling that inviting Mick to help him with some tinkering wasn't his idea.  It's not obvious, Jax was doing well at making it seem casual, but Mick was more observant than people gave him credit for.  He can tell, but if it wasn't his idea, then whose?

[...]

He's done this before.  Off and on for years he'd do things to himself.  In adolescence was when it was the most common, was the longest stretch of time he'd had the habit.  He tried to stop, did for a while, but something would happen and the next thing he knew he was holding a match to his arm again until the skin was a red, irritated, stinging burn.  Once he used a blade when searching for the pain.  It wasn't the same.  It felt like he'd been using a gateway drug the whole time and just tried the 'real thing'.  In part, it scared him.  He stuck to lighters and matches again after that.

 

Sat with his wrist hovering over the flame of his lighter, Mick forgets where he is.  The reality of his situation doesn't go away, but he can feel for now like he's somewhere else; in a warehouse back in Central, usually. It's where his mind goes.  Back where he thinks of as home.  He doesn't hear the sliding of his door opening.  Not when the burn passes hot and reaches that stinging point where his muscles naturally try to jerk and pull back from the flame.  Mick clenches his fist and holds out.

When he finally retracts his arm, Mick sits back in his seat with a sigh.  After one final glance to the lighter in his hand, he flips it shut and tosses it onto the desk.  There's a long moment of silence. Mick runs a hand over his skull.  And then he realizes that the light in the room was different- the door was open.  He casts a glance in it's direction and sees the captain stood with an expression Mick isn't quite sure how to read.

"...What do you want?"  
Silence for a moment as Rip takes a soft, deep breath and gathers his bearings.  "I was hoping we could talk."  
"What about?"  Mick asks, folding is arms over his chest.  His wrist still stings.  
"I realize we've never been on the best of terms.. but I know what it's like losing a loved one."  It's the most awkward attempt at sounding caring Mick might have ever heard.  His unamused confusion shows on his face.  
"You want to talk to me about my _feelings_?"  
"I think you should find a better outlet for those feelings.  Talking is usually what people go for, and it doesn't seem like anyone else is getting anything out of you."

And that's when it clicks.  The confusion remains in his eyes but his brow furrows, and he asks "You been telling em to talk to me, haven't you?"  
Rip pauses another brief moment before he seems to resign.  "Yes."  
"Why?"  
"..I noticed some burns on your hands."  
"So, what?"  
"If we have anything in common, Mr. Rory, it's that we like to take care of our own.  Regardless of where we may or may not stand, you are a part of this team."  
Mick squints at him.  But with that, he turns to leave, seemingly content with his awkward attempt at letting Mick know he noticed something wrong, and nothing more.

It's at the last second he stops and turns his head back towards the room.  "For the record, Gideon is an excellent listener.  And secret keeper."


End file.
